Just the Way I'm Feeling
by Fat-Lip
Summary: Set after Christian's death in SVH. A mysterious guy saves jessica's life...mysterious to her, but recognisable to the audience!


Just the Way I'm feeling  
  
Set: A couple of months after Christian's death. So, SVH. But don't fear, our El Carro favourites do come into play!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, just the plot. So, no, don't go suing me, as you won't get much, unless you value leftover pieces of juicy fruit and penny's.  
  
Feedback: Kitsch_Queen@hotmail.com please people. Please do so, or email. I like to know what people think of my writing, good or bad.  
  
One: The Jessica Wakefield Show  
  
Jessica Wakefield half-heartedly stepped forward into line as her best friend, Lila Fowler, elbowed her in the ribs, quite painfully. Jessica didn't even bother to send her a look, but waved her arms around.she was on autopilot, as she frequently was these days. Cheerleading, school.practically her whole life, felt like a play.or some low-priced real- life documentary; "The Jessica Wakefield Show".  
  
She grimaced to herself, then pasted on a huge smile, and leaped to the left, into time with the other girls on SVH's cheerleading squad, and waved her arms, as she yelled support to Sweet Valley High's football team.  
  
"Go, Ken, go!" Jessica yelled until her voice was hoarse. Pretending to be happy and bright was hard enough, but cheering for your ex? Jessica's life was rapidly growing into a living nightmare- and she was the only one who knew it. After Christian- god, it was still hard to even think about it. Sometimes, Jessica woke up, thinking she was going to see him today, that she'd get to greet him at the beach with a soft kiss as the sun rose, and everything would be okay. But then she really woke up, and remembered- Christian was gone. Dead. Never coming back. And it was all her fault.  
  
Sometimes, Jessica wished it was her that was dead- Christian had been so giving, so full of life.he was going to go on to do so many worthwhile things.as for her, she was nothing. She shopped, cheered, and partied-or used too. She didn't care about other people; she wasn't brilliant and intelligent, with a bright future. It should have been her that died, not wonderful, beautiful Christian. Sometimes, she wished she'd never have met him-then Ken wouldn't have found out, and no one would be dead.  
  
But imagining a life without ever meeting Christian was too much to take-too bleak. Her time with Christian-however short it had been-had been worth everything. Worth hurting Ken, worth hurting her friends, worth all the secrecy and betrayal.if Jessica had never experienced her short time with Christian, she'd have never had known she was capable of truly loving someone again. After Sam's untimely death, she hadn't thought a meaningful relationship was possible. Sure, she'd liked Ken, a whole lot, but she hadn't loved him-not really. She'd thought she'd just have fun, short flings for the rest of her life-that she'd never meet anyone like Sam. But she had-and Jessica had to remember, that it had been worth it. Every lie she'd told to Ken, her friends, her family, had been worth every moment with Christian.  
  
Now, everyone seemed to be telling her to "move on" and "forget about the past". Where could she move on to? Why would she want to forget about Christian? What was the point in anything? This time, it was Amy to elbowed her, as she missed another move. She signed half-heartedly, and spun around in time with the others. What was the point in cheerleading? It no longer seemed like a fun activity, it seemed like a worthless, boring chore.  
Lila Fowler  
  
Is it just me, or has Jessica gone all bizarre-o on us? I mean, take today, for example. Here we are, at the SVH-Palisades game, and the squad is performing our brand new routines Jessica came up with a couple weeks ago, and she'd not even interested. I had to elbow her a dozen or so times to bring her back to earth-I swear she was on Mars, or something. I saw Amy and even Heather, of all people, do the same, so I really know she wasn't with us.  
  
I know Christian's gone, but he died a month ago. I don't mean to sound callous, but shouldn't she be- and I hate to use the phrase- moving on? And I know she's been avoiding Ken, as, obviously, anyone would in that situation, but Ken's been trying to talk to her-as a friend, to check up on her, to see if she's okay. He keeps asking me if Jessica's okay, but I no longer know what to tell him.  
  
We've got a big football game against El Carro High soon, so maybe she'll get psyched for that. SVH and El Carro have never been friendly, especially around game season, so there could be a few dramatics.   
  
Rock my socks: Kitsch_Queen@hotmail.com 


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